This is for Fol's sake, although you bolder flisters may read on:

( The Art of Monster Maintenance )

Tags: animals: ty

Yesterday I finished ALL my Christmas shopping. I think this is pretty impressive, given that I only started shopping on Sunday. Fol and I had to go to Petsmart to find some Ty + Tippygifts, which naturally translated to LET'S GO SQUEEZE SOME RATS.

The employees were awesome and let us hang out for literally 40 minutes cuddling two rats. Fol's parked under her chin and chilled there the entire time, except when he just sat in her hand while she called her dad (and then sniffed and licked the phone). Mine, on the other hand, was pretty unsure about the whole thing and a little bit squirmy and quavery. As a test of faith he pooped on my arm, and when I didn't throw him across the room, he decided I was okay after all and snoozed on me. I planted kisses on his little ratty head and he smelled like rats and I want one.

HOW MUCH DO I LOVE BOY RATS? SOOOOO MUCH.

I heard somebody insinuate at Petsmart that guinea pigs are not interesting pets. Ty read this in my memories after I got home and begged to differ:

Me: [plops Ty on the bed] Now, I know you pooped somewhere here, but where'd it go ...?
Ty's Pink Feet: [are already booking it across the bed]
Me: >( 'Ey, missy, get back here.
Ty: D< [leaps backward]
Ty's Butt: [falls right into the gap between bed and wall and starts sliding]

I had to *LUNGE* across the bed and grab her under the forelegs, which she hates, and haul her out before she could slide all the way into the abyss behind my bed. And the whole time she was like UNHAND ME MORTAL!!!

I wish Ty would STOP being interesting. She is like a teenager and a toddler at the same time, except that much more terrifying.


Anyway I don't think any of you even WATCH Dexter, but there is probably a review of season 4/the finale coming up, because WHAT???

Seriously, WHAT???

Tags: animals: boo, animals: ty

MILL IS MY GIRLFRIEND.


YOU CAN ALL STOP HOOKING UP NOW. I KNOW YOU WERE ONLY DOING IT TO MAKE ME FEEL LONELY.

THAT IS ALL.

McG says: SHUT YOUR FACE [backhand]
folderol // great white bear says: [duck, backflip, kidneypunch]
folderol // great white bear says: I LEARNED KARATE FROM DWIGHT SCHRUTE
McG says: [throws Ty at]
folderol // great white bear says: OH GOD
folderol // great white bear says: TIP, USE GIANT-TONGUE-CATCH
McG says: Hmm
McG says: [sends Boo behind enemy lines with flowers]
folderol // great white bear says: Why hello there, sir
folderol // great white bear says: You look quite dapper in that--OH GOD
folderol // great white bear says: MY MOUTH
McG says: XDD
folderol // great white bear says: PLECK GET OUT OF THERE
folderol // great white bear says: THIS ISN'T POLAND, YOU CAN'T INVADE HERE


McG says: XD Ty's totally conked out from all the socializing/mingling she did, apparently
folderol // great white bear says: aww
McG says: I went to check on her to see if she was still up and she was fast asleep in her house with her back to the door, which means she's like, in hibernation
folderol // great white bear says: XDD
folderol // great white bear says: she's like a bearpig!
folderol // great white bear says: did she eat the h'ors d'ouevres?
McG says: She didn't care for the h'ors d'ouevres
McG says: She did eat the caterer
folderol // great white bear says: XD
folderol // great white bear says: "I found him a little pedestrian, I really thought Gwyneth would have sprung for a higher end butler."
McG says: XD
McG says: I heard her wake up and start drinking from here as soon as people started going in the family room to watch my mum's picture slideshow XD What a little hostess
folderol // great white bear says: XDDDDD
folderol // great white bear says: "What a little hostess, ruining the slideshow."
McG says: XDD
McG says: "WELCOME TO MY DEN, HUMANS"
McG says: "PLEASE MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE"
McG says: "ENJOY THE SMOKED SALMON"
McG says: "PLEASED TO STRIP THE FLESH FROM YOUR BONES AND EAT IT RAW. I MEAN MEET YOU."
folderol // great white bear says: "[cackle]"
folderol // great white bear says: and then CLANG!
folderol // great white bear says: an iron door slams down
folderol // great white bear says: a few of the guests rush for that little open square
folderol // great white bear says: but she's /sitting on the ledge/
folderol // great white bear says: "HERE ARE MY INCISORS."
McG says: XD
folderol // great white bear says: Your mother blinks tears from her eyes as the screams of the guests/victims echo in her designer home
folderol // great white bear says: she sniffs once
folderol // great white bear says: composes herself
folderol // great white bear says: and goes back into the living room to cater to the rest of her guests
folderol // great white bear says: knowing she did what she had to do
folderol // great white bear says: and that her family would be safe for one
folderol // great white bear says: more
folderol // great white bear says: night
McG says: XD
folderol // great white bear says: also in my imagination, Ty is dressed all fancy
folderol // great white bear says: with a celebratory top hat

Tags: animals: boo, animals: ty, quotes: fol, quotes: im chitchats

Milly thinks English winters are colder than Canadian ones. Somebody set her straight on this. She's an Australian, what does she know about cold! You Americans who suffer every winter, you think long and hard about that feeling and then remember: We are north of you. (Most of you. Only LOSERS live in Wisconsin.)

Unbelievably the GTA just had its first November with no snowfall in 162 years. Exactly one week later some kind of snow typhoon blew down from the fucking Arctic and my blue fingertips would like to challenge this statement. So England, if you would like to challenge us for worst winters, here are some guidelines (no Americans I am not converting it. This is the year 2009, get with the program you twits):


o 10C and sunny is strip to a t-shirt and crank open a window while driving. Sweater required outside. This is your spring/autumn base temperature.

o 5C is (early winter) hug your jacket to yourself every now and then with a little shiver, or (late winter) pull the jacket off 'cause it is fuckin' hot up in here. This is positively tropical! Rejoice!

o 0C is get up early to scrape the ice off your car and leave it running for five minutes before you actually get in. No matter how soon you start it, though, it won't be fully warm till you're two minutes from work/school.

o -5C is nothing to complain about, you baby. It's cold but it's not freezing yet. You'll know when it's freezing. Trust me.

o -10C is stepping outside the house and experiencing that unique sensation of the inside of your nose freezing. NOW it is freezing. Absolutely this is how I gauge when it's time to shed the windbreaker and pull on the winter Serial Killer Ensemble.

o -15C is wear your fucking gloves and hat and whatever no matter how dumb it makes your hair look and for God's sake DO NOT LEAVE COINS IN THE POCKET OF YOUR JEANS THAT SHIT WILL HURT.

o -20C is hey, this actually isn't that much worse than -15? Except for my lower jaw freezing so that when I start to talk after a period of silence it's like trying to chew after a shot of Novocaine in the mouth.

o -25C is oh my God I long for the days of -15.

o -30C is don't even bother. Your car will probably not start anyway.


o Any other these temperatures combined with a wind chill that results in a total of -25C or lower? is: OH MY FUCKING GOD I WILL MAKE A HUMAN SACRIFICE TO AN ANIMAL IF IT WILL MAKE THIS GO AWAY BABY JESUS HAVE MERCY ON MY FROSTBITTEN SOUL.

Tags: creative stuff: lists